I regained something I lost, something I had in '02 while driving down the long sloping hill on campus, looking out over the entirety of Santa Cruz, California at the redwoods tumbling into the ocean there at night in a car full of hopeful excited youths. Away for the first time, flying down a hill in the dark, free.

"Somewhere along the line I knew there would be girls, visions, everything. Somewhere along the line the pearl would be handed to me."

Last night I listened to Van Morrison blasting through speakers in a busted ass car and watched a huge cloud roll in over snow covered mountains, which were still visible in the dark, and was straining to think of a way to express how I felt at that exact moment when AJ turned to me and said, 'it's going to snow tonite.'
The words filled me up; the ensuing feeling was painful, and it was perfect. There was no better way to express the forceful thrust and dizziness of the moment than for the sky to open up and deliver onto my eyelashes soft white flakes that would eventually cover the entire city in a blanket of white.
one soft flake, blanket white city.

I'm heading out of Anchorage for my first time this weekend to the peninsula (Seward). When I get back I'm hoping I'll have written something down to put in this thing. An introduction to friends, etc. Pictures still to come, one day, when I am less lazy.

It is currently 57 degrees in LA and 1 degree in Anchorage.

I'm in training with the VA Clinic yesterday and today. Yesterday I watched several hours of propaganda videos while locked in a small room with ten other people. Disorientation ensued, during which time I apparently voted republican, enlisted in the marines, raised a flag in the front yard, and ate a wonder bread and american cheese sandwhich, all of which I don't remember.
Today we have more informational lectures. Your typical VA employee supervisor will speak in military analogies and directly contradict what the person before him or her said. When one instructor was confronted she said, "welcome to the federal government," threw her head back and laughed.
My coworkers at VI are different though. Actually I have suspicions that all of ALaska is different than the lower 49. In the short time I've been here I've noticed that people here are on the job, or thinking about their job, 24 hours a day because they care about the people they're helping. And for that reason they also don't seem to get stressed out. They've got their "stuff" together. THey get the job done. They use cliches like the preceding two, and their motto is "Business as Usual... NOT!!"
As for me, I worry if I'll be able to help people follow the steps necessary to rehabilitate themselves when I'm still trying to grow up, myself. I wasn't able to put it into words before I left, but now I see that one reason I came up here was to rid myself of my youngest child tendencies-- letting others take care of me and prolonging my own development. If you always accept the help offered to you, you run the risk of never learning to take on life on your own. (or something like that). And it's no one's fault but my own!
So I decided to become the responsible person I've never wanted to be and as soon as I made this decision I promptly misplaced my phone for 24 hours and missed the bus twice. Merely setbacks. Today I have things generally under control again, and am on my way to... where i'm goin... one step at a time.

Will continue this later, back to training now. Got to find out which forms I need to fill out if I want to blow my nose.

New alaska quote:

"If you're going to be stupid in Alaska, you'd better be tough."